Dark Mood （1/4）
I did not sleep well last night.
Lack of sleep is guaranteed to put me in a foul mood.
When I saw Sarah for the first time today my eyes immediately went to her ankles.
Her skirt was too short.
I had specifically told her skirts are to be no higher than four inches above the ankle.
I have had to punish Sarah the last three times we met.
Since her last punishment I bought a new paddle in an effort to inspire her obedience and precision.
Now I had to punish her again.
This deepened my mood further.
Sarah has a lot to learn.
Dark Mood （2/4）
Today was the first time I was truly angry with Sarah.
When I entered the apartment I immediately started barking commands.
My patience was thin.
I ordered her to keep her eyes downcast so I did not have to look at them.
I took a deep breath to ensure my anger did not supersede the reason for punishment.
Punishment is to learn, not to vent my anger.
I am not certain that will be the case the next time she angers me.
I had her stand so I could measure her skirt.
It was much shorter than the required four inches.
Putting her back on her knees, I explained in detail what I expect from her and how she is falling short of my expectations.
I questioned her on her understanding of my expectations to be sure we are aligned.
It took some time, but at the end I believe she understands now.
Being the first time with this particular paddle I performed a quick test across my thigh to get the feel of it.
It does not take much effort for this paddle to inflict pain.
Much simpler then using my hands.
It was time.
Dark Mood （3/4）
Sarah was already on her knees facing me while I sat on the sofa.
I moved behind her and pushed her head forward onto the sofa.
She doesn’t resist.
I lift her skirt up over her waist exposing her bottom.
Aiming carefully for the spot where her thigh and ass cheek meet I release the paddle and hear a loud “WHACK!”
Sarah doesn’t flinch or make a sound.
I inspect her and see a large red rectangular welt forming.
I am surprised she was able to stay quiet.
Next time I will have to paddle her harder and repeatedly.
Dark Mood （4/4）
I consider paddling her again,
but I am not in the mood for punishing her.
My mood is dark and I consider leaving so I can be alone.
I look at Sarah,
still bent over the sofa and consider my options.
In the end I decide to stay and use Sarah to improve my mood.
She wants to please me,
this will be a good opportunity for her.
I disrobe and have her do the same.
She is kneeling before me.
Putting my hand under her chin I raise her face so I can see her eyes.
I immediately feel my heart begin to warn.
It is very difficult for me to be angry at Sarah when I am looking into her eyes.
Very quietly she asks what she can do to improve my mood.
This is going to be a good afternoon…
I miss you.
I adore you.
I look forward to seeing you in two days.
Sarah it was so wonderful to see you this morning.
Early morning sex before work.
The best part was sitting in front of you as you kneel and seeing your eyes for the first time in days.
The next best is hearing you say “Sir.”
Sarah and I had a good discussion today on how to discipline her.
She has a history of being whipped with a bamboo rod for no reason by a family member.
The beatings were worse if she made noise or cried.
She learned to take a beating without moving, crying or making noise of any kind.
I wish I had understood this before I punished her with the rubber paddle.
It is designed to inflict pain.
It is clear to me now that spanking Sarah for punishment is abuse, not discipline.
The ease with which Sarah and I talk about these things is pleasing.
We are completely open with one another.
We were able to talk about her beatings and how they affected her.
I am learning more about Sarah.
The whippings she received help explain why she has a large disconnect between her physical self, emotional self and mental self.
After some discussion I decided we will start slow with her punishments.
If she needs discipline I will deny her eye contact for an extended time.
I will see how well this works.
I think it will be effective, but the downside is that I am denied eye contact as well.
When I explained the new form of punishment to Sarah she groaned and buried her face in my chest.
She does not like this punishment.
After talking further she was able to explain that she is worried I will love her a little less when I deny her eye contact.
I really had to think about that.
I know that this type of punishment will not change how I feel about her.
In truth, if I did not love her I would not bother to punish her at all.
But she has reservations about this.
In the end we agreed that I would not deny her eye contact overnight.
“Don’t go to bed angry.” comes to mind.
I will think about this more.
I am a little concerned I am becoming addicted to Sarah.
It may not be a bad thing,
but it is something I need to watch.
I have been waking up early so I can be with Sarah before and after work.
We spend hours in bed together each day.