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kazama
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最新!华裔学生哈佛优秀申请文书范例曝光!

据哈佛最新招生情况统计:

今年,共有 61,220 名学生申请哈佛,比去年的57,435人增长了近7%。最终共有1,954名学生获得哈佛录取,录取率降到3.19%,刷新了去年的最低纪录(3.42%)


在有限的申请材料中,如何让招生官透过文字就对你产生兴趣?一封诚意满满的申请文书就显得十分关键。


在上万份申请文书中,什么样的故事可以打动哈佛招生官呢?


今日,哈佛大学公布了最新的“2022年10篇成功申请哈佛的优秀申请文书范例”。

10位成功录取哈佛的同学,在文书中分享了自己的故事。


其中,一位来自名叫“Yueming(音译)”的华裔学生的文书,成功吸引了招生官的注意。


而这位学生的申请文书主题,也不禁让学姐联想到了与前几日爆火的“二舅”的故事。


不同的是,这位学生是围绕爷爷(文中的“Ye-Ye”)来写的人世间的苦难与欢乐。他用爷爷的一句“Life was a blessing”贯穿全文,并让其成为了他的一个人生标语,鼓舞着他面对生活中的各种挑战。


话不多说,我们赶紧来看看他给我们带来了一个什么样的故事吧!


原文内容如下(附翻译):


Yueming's Essay

Successful Harvard Essay


My Ye-Ye always wears a red baseball cap. I think he likes the vivid color—bright and sanguine, like himself. When Ye-Ye came from China to visit us seven years ago, he brought his red cap with him and every night for six months, it sat on the stairway railing post of my house, waiting to be loyally placed back on Ye-Ye’s head the next morning. He wore the cap everywhere: around the house, where he performed magic tricks with it to make my little brother laugh; to the corner store, where he bought me popsicles before using his hat to wipe the beads of summer sweat off my neck. Today whenever I see a red hat, I think of my Ye-Ye and his baseball cap, and I smile.


我的Ye-Ye(爷爷)总是戴着一顶红色的棒球帽。我想他喜欢鲜艳的颜色——明亮、乐观,就像他自己一样。七年前,爷爷从中国来拜访我们,他带着他的红帽子,六个月来,它每天晚上都放在我家楼梯的栏杆上,等着第二天早上被忠诚地戴回Ye-Ye的头上。他走到哪儿都戴着那顶帽子:在家里,用它表演魔术,逗我的小弟弟笑;到街角的商店,他给我买了冰棍,然后用帽子擦去我脖子上的汗珠。时至今日,每当我看到一顶红帽子时,就会想起我的Ye-Ye和他的棒球帽,我就会微笑。


Ye-Ye is the Mandarin word for “grandfather.” My Ye-Ye is a simple, ordinary person—not rich, not “successful”—but he is my greatest source of inspiration and I idolize him. Of all the people I know, Ye-Ye has encountered the most hardship and of all the people I know, Ye-Ye is the most joyful. That these two aspects can coexist in one individual is, in my mind, truly remarkable.


Ye-Ye(爷爷)是普通话,意思是“祖父”。我的爷爷是一个简单、普通的人,不富有,也不“成功”,但他是我最大的灵感来源,我崇拜他。在我认识的所有人当中,爷爷遇到的困难最多,可爷爷是我认识的所有人当中最快乐的。在我眼里,他能将苦难与快乐集于一身,是非常了不起的。


Ye-Ye was an orphan. Both his parents died before he was six years old, leaving him and his older brother with no home and no family. When other children gathered to read around stoves at school, Ye-Ye and his brother walked in the bitter cold along railroad tracks, looking for used coal to sell. When other children ran home to loving parents, Ye-Ye and his brother walked along the streets looking for somewhere to sleep. Eight years later, Ye-Ye walked alone—his brother was dead.


我的爷爷是个孤儿。他的父母在他六岁前就去世了,留下他和他的哥哥,他们没有家,也没有家人。当其他孩子聚集在学校的火炉旁读书时,爷爷和他的哥哥在严寒中沿着铁轨行走,捡人家用剩下的旧煤炭去卖钱。当其他孩子跑回家找慈爱的父母时,爷爷和他的哥哥走在街上,想找个地方睡觉。八年后,就只剩下爷爷一个人了——他的哥哥死了。


Ye-Ye managed to survive, and in the meanwhile taught himself to read, write, and do arithmetic. Life was a blessing, he told those around him with a smile.


爷爷设法活了下来,同时自学了读、写和算术。他微笑着对周围的人说,生活是一种祝福。


Years later, Ye-Ye’s job sent him to the Gobi Desert, where he and his fellow workers labored for twelve hours a day. The desert wind was merciless; it would snatch their tent in the middle of the night and leave them without supply the next morning. Every year, harsh weather took the lives of some fellow workers.


多年后,爷爷因为工作的关系被送到了戈壁沙漠,他和他的同事们每天工作12个小时。沙漠的风是无情的;它会在半夜夺去他们的帐篷,让他们在第二天早上没有补给。每年,恶劣的天气都会夺走一些同事的生命。


After eight years, Ye-Ye was transferred back to the city where his wife lay sick in bed. At the end of a twelve-hour workday, Ye-Ye took care of his sick wife and three young children. He sat with the children and told them about the wide, starry desert sky and mysterious desert lives. Life was a blessing, he told them with a smile.


八年后,爷爷被调回了他的妻子卧病在床的城市。在一天工作了12个小时之后,爷爷要照顾生病的妻子和三个年幼的孩子。他和孩子们坐在一起,告诉他们广阔沙漠上布满星星的夜空和神秘的沙漠生活。生活是一种祝福,他微笑着告诉他们。


But life was not easy; there was barely enough money to keep the family from starving. Yet, my dad and his sisters loved going with Ye-Ye to the market. He would buy them little luxuries that their mother would never indulge them in: a small bag of sunflower seeds for two cents, a candy each for three cents. Luxuries as they were, Ye-Ye bought them without hesitation. Anything that could put a smile on the children’s faces and a skip in their steps was priceless.


但是生活并不容易;几乎没有足够的钱让一家人免于挨饿。当时,我爸爸和他的姐妹们喜欢和爷爷一起去市场。爷爷会给他们买一些小奢侈品,这是他们的母亲永远不会让他们享受的:两分钱的一小袋葵花籽,三分钱的一颗糖果。虽然是奢侈品,爷爷还是毫不犹豫地买下了它们。任何能让孩子们脸上露出笑容、脚步轻快的东西都是无价的。


Ye-Ye still goes to the market today. At the age of seventy-eight, he bikes several kilometers each week to buy bags of fresh fruits and vegetables, and then bikes home to share them with his neighbors. He keeps a small patch of strawberries and an apricot tree. When the fruit is ripe, he opens his gate and invites all the children in to pick and eat. He is Ye-Ye to every child in the neighborhood.


如今,爷爷现在还会去市场。在他78岁的时候,他每周骑几公里的自行车去买几袋新鲜的水果和蔬菜,然后骑车回家和邻居们分享。他种了一小片草莓和一棵杏树。当水果成熟时,他会打开大门,邀请所有的孩子们进来采摘和吃。他对附近的每个孩子都很亲切。


I had always thought that I was sensible and self-aware. But nothing has made me stare as hard in the mirror as I did after learning about the cruel past that Ye-Ye had suffered and the cheerful attitude he had kept throughout those years. I thought back to all the times when I had gotten upset. My mom forgot to pick me up from the bus station. My computer crashed the day before an assignment was due. They seemed so trivial and childish, and I felt deeply ashamed of myself.


我一直以为自己很懂事,很有自知之明。但是,当我了解到爷爷所遭受的残酷的过去和他这些年一直保持的乐观态度后,没有什么比这更让我自审的了。我回想起所有我生气的时候——我妈妈忘记去汽车站接我了、我的电脑在作业要交的前一天“死机”了。相比于爷爷来说,这些事情看上去是多么的琐碎和幼稚,我为自己感到深深的羞愧。


Now, whenever I encounter an obstacle that seems overwhelming, I think of Ye-Ye; I see him in his red baseball cap, smiling at me. Like a splash of cool water, his smile rouses me from grief, and reminds me how trivial my worries are and how generous life has been. Today I keep a red baseball cap at the railing post at home where Ye-Ye used to put his every night. Whenever I see the cap, I think of my Ye-Ye, smiling in his red baseball cap, and I smile. Yes, Ye-Ye. Life is a blessing.


现在,每当我遇到似乎突如其来的困难时,我就会想起爷爷,我看见他戴着红色棒球帽,对我微笑。他的微笑像一抹清凉的水,让我从悲伤中醒来,提醒我,我的烦恼是多么微不足道,生活是多么慷慨。今天,我把一顶红色的棒球帽放在家里的栏杆上,也就是爷爷每天晚上放棒球帽的地方。每当我看到这顶帽子,我就会想起我的爷爷,他戴着红色的棒球帽微笑着,我就笑了。是的,爷爷。生活是一种祝福


//招生官评语


这篇文章被哈佛招生官认为是一篇“完美的范例”。因为他虽然没有写Yueming的任何事情,但却描绘了他是一个怎样的人。他用爷爷的棒球帽故事,向读者展示了对他来说什么是重要的,揭示他是一个什么性格的人,并展示了他将为校园生活做出贡献的关键人格特征。


招生官夸赞道“Yueming展示了他从他人经验中学习的能力,他强调了自己的韧性和从爷爷那里获得的积极心态。这些品质对于未来的哈佛学生来说无疑是必不可少的,并展示了他在校园内外体现“生活是一种祝福”的能力。

招生官评语原话

哈佛已经宣布:之后的4年,哈佛将继续实行“标化可选”政策。从这两年的录取来看,文书的重要性越来越突显。

图片来源:哈佛官网


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wudadan
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回复 1楼kazama的帖子

哈佛这是要录取他爷爷,但是爷爷人不在了,所以只好录取他?

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ChristinaW
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wow

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ilovepurple
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还可以这么写?

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hellojena
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这不是小学作文么

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Jakoo
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原来国内外都爱二舅题材,阿甘精神
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Cumberbitch
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chinatown那些孩子写自己父母多么辛苦 这个孩子父母可能已经比较好了,所以只能写爷爷
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wudadan
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这不是小学作文么


hellojena 发表于 2022-08-03 21:53

不要酸

人家这是正八经的报告文学


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ilovepurple
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下次让娃写我的外公,我的阿姨,我的....

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pigeon_sg
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二舅?

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